I begin today not at the beginning, but more the middle of the story. True it’s the beginning of a 400 Day journey that my partner and I will be taking. Not together, but very far apart and in very different ways.
She will be dealing with the war on terrorism and the fight for democracy in a cruel and inhospitable place, far from home during her deployment with the Army, while I stay behind. I am left “minding the farm” so to speak, dealing with life and business and the business of our life together. I am the silent partner in this equation since we are a gay couple, and I technically don’t exist in the eyes of the military, as someone who has let her person go to war, who suffers at the absence of a loved one in a war they don’t believe in.
The silent partner doesn’t get TV shows made about them, we are not "ARMY WIVES" and yet we are. A silent partner doesn't get the benefits of a military spouse, or acceptance as a major contributor to the success of the military, by our love and support of our soldiers.
So I write. I write for me, and I write for you. I know you are there, feeling very alone in all this, and fearing even the slightest touch be seen , will bring chaos, heartache and an abrupt halt to their military career. That risk still exists but fortunately, I am happy to say, on the eve of the first anniversary of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell being repealed, we are emerging. Slowly and very cautiously but we are coming out of the shadows, because we need to be seen, and recognized.
As the saying goes ”what’s past is prologue” and in this case it’s the literal truth. So I write today, and have written over the past 3 years, almost daily about what a choice of a military life has thrown at me, and the trials we have faced as a couple. You will read excerpts from my journals past that you will hopefully find some solace in, or even find the anger in the "me too", knowing you are not alone in how you feel about being left behind as “the silent partner.” Maybe now you will find your voice, as I have, or share in the chorus of my words.
I invite you on my journey.
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I welcome your comments, insights and experiences as long as they are not vulgar or single minded as I know this is a hot topic. I am aware that I am opening myself up to ridicule, but if you must, be courteous and mindful of others.
Thank You.